A Girl Walks Into A Hardware Store…

Oh, my. My life is one awkward moment after another.

It all started when my parents stopped by my house and my dad used the bathroom. Mom and I heard him yell, “Kid! (fyi — my dad doesn’t use my first name — he usually calls me Kid or Fritz) You’re out of poop spray!” (true.) This was followed by, “Kid! You’re out of hand soap!” (also true — although there was a little bit left if the bottle was tipped juuust right.) This was followed by, “Kid! Your bathroom door just fell off.”


“No! Really! The door just fell off! It’s heavy! Come help!”

I ran to try to help my poor dad, whose routine trip to the toilet resulted in a trip to Home Depot AND Ace Hardware. He’s a good fix-it dad. Although it was unfortunate that his day was interrupted with door repair, I was grateful the bathroom door broke when there was a person with repair skillz in the house. My solution to a broken bathroom door may have been a curtain.

After my dad had the bathroom door back in swingin’ shape, he told me I needed to replace one of the screws in the door with a longer screw. THIS is the type of home repair I can do — I may not be able to operate any sort of power tool, but I can use a screwdriver.

Dad also told me the mortar in my home’s foundation had crumbled in a few places and needed to be repaired. He showed me where repairs were needed and told me to get some caulk with mortar at the hardware store.

*Fast forward to the next day.*

After a long day of staring at my work computer, I left my office and traveled to the hardware store.

I walked into the hardware store, and the friendly clerk asked, “Is there anything I can help you find?”

I answered her question quickly and said. “Yes, I need a longer screw and some caulk.”

Then I realized what I’d said. It seemed even worse to acknowledge the humor in that statement, so I stifled my laughter, found my longer screw and caulk, and left the store.

As soon as I reached my car, I started laughing. I hope the store clerk did the same.

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