There once was a momma named D,
Whose birthday is today — wheeee!
High school students keep her hip,
We’re like Mrs. Potts and Chip,
Happy, happy, happy birthday from meeee!
Happy birthday, Mom!
If you count womb time, we’ve known each other for 30 years. That’s a long time. Here are some life lessons that I probably acquired while under your care:
– Always clip the Younkers coupons — they’ll come in handy.
– You can’t fit all the cookie dough from a batch of cookies on one cookie sheet.
– Taking care of Laura is a full-time job.
– A front porch and plastic baggies can turn any lunch into a picnic.
– No one notices when a soap opera character is suddenly played by another actor.
– The Periodic Table can be memorized, with the assistance of a good teacher.
– You can make friends in college by giving them cookies on move-in day (baked by a mom).
– You can get jobs by giving your bosses homemade candy (made by a mom).
– Reading Good Housekeeping magazine for 30 years results in useful knowledge on a wide variety of topics.
– Mom’s food has magic healing powers that fight mono.
– Even the super hairy spiders aren’t as scary as they seem.
– Every name is more fun if you add -eroni to the end. Especially mine.
I love you, Mom. Thanks a trillion for feeding an only child who ate (and eats) as much as four kids and clothing an almost 30-year-old child who would dress like a semi-hobo without your generous financial contributions.
Oh, and thanks for the hugs. Those are nice, too.