That’s right. I’m rashy.
I’m not afraid to share it with others. It’s a great conversation starter — a real way to win friends and influence people.
I’ve always been a rashy person. In elementary school, I was the little kid who managed to catch every rash possible. In law school, I managed to get scarlatina (the pre-cursor to scarlet fever) and had a lovely rash all over my chest and neck. I ignored it for a couple days and just wore turtleneck sweaters to cover it up. After googling scarlatina to get the correct spelling, I probably shouldn’t have ignored that rash. Oops.
Despite my many rashes, I’m still around. And I’m still rashy.
A few weeks ago, I decided to play in poison ivy. It wasn’t purposeful — I just happen to be an idiot optimist when it comes to poison ivy. In my warped world, plants with “leaves of three” in my yard aren’t poisonous. My wrist would indicate otherwise.
So, my wrist has been itching and oozing puss-like substances for the past couple weeks. It’s almost healed.
After the poison ivy attacked me, I was attacked by a mango. I don’t know why. All I ever did was love the delicious little fruits.
The week’s mango attack caused a lovely rash around my mouth. Mouth rashes are really attractive. Ew.
But, like all other aspects of life, mango allergies can have silver linings.
I purchased three of the most attractive mangos ever at Trader Joe’s last week. Mango #1 attacked me, and I was advised against eating mangos #2 and 3. I gifted those mangos to John, and I took solace in the fact that they went to a good home (aka: appreciative stomach).
I was at work this afternoon doing work-like stuff when John appeared at my office door. He had a little present by the name of BLUEBERRIES! For me!
The note attached to the little bluebs may have been better than the berries. I left the note at work, so I’ll have to paraphrase. It read — “Thanks for the mangos, even though I only got them ’cause you’re allergic.** Here are some blueberries; sometimes paybacks aren’t a bitch.”
**In case you couldn’t tell, I’m really possessive of my fruits and veggies. I should probably seek produce therapy.
They were extra-tasty blueberries, and the thoughtful gift helped quash my inner rage toward mangos.