Two Topics That Don’t Go Together

1. Bathroom signs, and

2. Restaurant reviews.

I don’t even have a common thread to link these two topics together. I just wanted to write about both of them.

First — the bathroom sign. Most of my best stories begin with “I was in the bathroom today, and . . .”

If only I was kidding. I’m not.

Today, I was using the bathroom in an office (not my office, thankfully) and saw the following sign posted on the back of the stall door. [This is paraphrased since I don’t make a habit of taking my camera to the potty.]

“Due to small toilet tanks and low water pressure, please note the following:  (1) do not flush pads or tampons; (2) press the lever completely down when flushing; and (3) flush repeatedly when using the toilet.

Really? Flush repeatedly? Do these toilets not accept anything? And, wouldn’t repeated flushing increase the odds of one’s “deposit” coming back up to “nip him/her in the bud”? Even I’m bothered by that one.

In case you were wondering, I did use the bathroom and I didn’t flush repeatedly. Everything worked out just fine.

Second — the restaurant review. I anxiously await the arrival of Urbandale Living every month. It’s a small local publication with very little useful information. But I still like it. The reason? The monthly restaurant review!

Kathleen, the reviewer, writes about her restaurant adventures every month. And every month she loves her meal. She also sprinkles the reviews with delightful similes and metaphors and makes very unique observations. For example, a recent review opened with a paragraph on the “marriage of corned beef and Swiss cheese” on a pizza. Later on, she commented on the “heavy plates and silverware” at the restaurant. I was pleased to know this information before eating at this establishment, because I absolutely hate it when my pizza toppings hook up out of wedlock and I nearly cut through flimsy plates with extremely light silverware.

Tonight, it may be the end of an era. Urbandale Living was delivered sans Kathleen’s monthly restaurant review. Instead, the publications contained a review of the Iowa Machine Shed by Elaine. Elaine ate “hot and steamy [pot roast] with a side of thick, dark gravy.” This is mildly interesting, but, as John pointed out, Kathleen’s roast would have been “hot and steamy, like a Swedish sauna after an exhilarating day on the slopes.”

Elaine also claims her dinner at the Iowa Machine Shed was served with white bread and banana bread. I’ve been to the Iowa Machine Shed many times, and I’m fairly certain meals are served with white bread and a spice bread that bears no resemblance to banana bread.

I miss Kathleen. She was more entertaining and probably knew how to identify banana bread.

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2 Responses to Two Topics That Don’t Go Together

  1. Meredith says:

    This disappoints me, not because I care remotely about Urbandale Living (I don’t) but because I always enjoyed your enthusiasm about RECEIVING Urbandale Living. Sad day.

  2. Angela says:

    What is also amusing about the bathroom sign is that #3 is really a lot to ask: “flush repeatedly WHEN USING the toilet.” That would take skill to do that repeatedly WHILE you’re doing your thang. Though if anyone possesses those skills, it’d be you. 😉

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